Deep within us, we hold a distant memory of the unconditional love we once held—a memory from our beginnings, and which we all still long for.
The history of Humanity has been based on conditional love. This has manifested within our families, community support systems, and even in our religions.
Conditional love has created conflicting messages within us because while people may extol the virtues of love, they do not always uphold them.
We tell our children we love them or want what is best for them; however, this is often influenced by our limited perspectives based on our narrow perceptions, or we unconsciously inflict our neediness or Perceived Needs onto them.
This article /blog post is from my book, Why We Are the Way We Are,
This is the 1st book in my new ‘Our Journeys to Peace’ Series)
About this Book (and the next 2 in the series coming out shortly) found here
We have been told that God loves us but also that he is vengeful.
Our psyches have thereby become riddled with conflicts about love. Conflicting messages about love keep us confused about love.
Confusion about love—what unconditional love is.
How to give it—How to receive it,
Is why our relationships are so difficult.
When we are being negative in any way or closed off; when we are angry, judgmental, despondent, pessimistic etc.; or when we are needy, we are distanced from universal flow, and by default we are stuck within the restrictions of our human limitations. Our power-base is weak and feelings of unconditional love are almost inaccessible.
Neediness and Expectations Are Sources of Many Relationship Issues
Neediness creates expectations. Unable to tap into the love within us and our sense of empowerment, we expect others to fill the void. This causes expectations from others – that often go unvoiced. When someone does not provide what we expect or something we had hoped for does not happen, we are disappointed, hurt, depressed, or angry, and we react involuntarily.
It is the same when we give. In our neediness and low sense of self-worth, we often give with expectations of reciprocity and appreciation. Sometimes this is conscious and we expect tit-for-tat, but often we unconsciously expect certain outcomes, but in either case we are hurt when they are not met. Our offer is not coming from a place of strength or love. It is not coming from unconditional love.
When our expectations are not met, we may also feel that we are being taken advantage of, or, we come to believe that life is not fair. Unmet expectations cause us to blame the other person for our frustrations causing conflict in the relationship.
When expectations are not voiced our hurt feelings seem to come out of the blue—with the other person the receiver of an unexpected onslaught of emotions.
We will still feel justified by our reactions—simply because we feel bad, however, we gave with presumptions—presumptions that the other person had no idea about. We live so much in our inner world that it seems alive—obvious. But it is not.
Others do not know what is going on in our minds, what our emotional world holds, and what presumptions and expectations we have, unless we voice them.
Our unvoiced expectations are just below the surface of our conscious mind whirling around in our Emotional Body looking to be satisfied. Based in neediness, low self-esteem, and a disconnect from our True Self, these expectations are attempts to satisfy what we cannot find within our self.
~ Rosemary McCarthy©, October 30, 2019
See here for information on Why We Are the Way We Are (as well as on Book 2, Becoming Our Best Self, and book 3, Relationships in an Evolving World).
here for my first book, Your Journey to Peace …,
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Copyright © October 30, 2019 by Rosemary McCarthy. All rights Reserved. To copy, share, or distribute this article simply ensure the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website www.yourjourneytopeace.com are included. You can contact me at: firstname.lastname@example.org Blessings and thank you kindly! Rosemary