It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

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When we come from a place of It’s Not Me – It’s You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other.

Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feelings back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly. 

When we come from a place of It’s Not You – It’s Me, we internalize how the other made us feel.

We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently.

Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up  to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development).

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Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from … 

 The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz – My Recommended Book of the Month

When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned

?It’s Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment.

And …

?It’s Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment.

With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up.

To shift from It’s Not Me–It’s You – or – It’s Not You–It’s Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must …

? Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves

? Bring the qualities of love – calmness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and harmony to the other.

And to get there, it helps to …

? Remember that we are all somewhat misaligned from our true reality – from the love we are at our core

? Recognize that you cannot always feel love and are therefore not always able to come from a place of love

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? Rather than hide or deflect your thoughts and feelings, allow them to arise honestly within yourself. And if need be …

? Express how you feel – honestly and calmly to the other – without blame or judgment

?Aim to consciously bring the qualities of love to your dealings with others.

If our default is to blame, judge, or react aggressively or be overly passive (being overly-passive is not loving ourselves), making the shift to being loving to ourselves and others takes time and practice.

A trick I learned when I studied A Course in Miracles that helped me overcome my default and make conscious shifts to come from a place of love was to ask myself: What Would Love Do?

A Course in Miracles is a profound self-study that guides us to see others and life from a place of love. We learn to respond calmly and with fairness, compassion, and acceptance – rather than from the ego’s fear-based thought system with its propensity to blame, judge, and defend. (You can read my associated post, What Would Love Do? by clicking on the above link).

We Are All Somewhat Misaligned from Love – from Our True Reality

 Most of us were not taught that we are misaligned from our essence – from love. It was on my journey of personal development that I learned that it is this misalignment that causes us to act and react in unloving ways – towards ourselves and others.

We are not bad – or wrong. We may act badly, hurt others, or do wrong things,

but we are not bad or wrong at our core. We can repair, but we should never feel ashamed.

We inherited these hurtful and defensive ways of being from eons past.

I learned that once, whether on earth, in another form, or before the big bang, we were “at one with God”– connected to love. At some point, a separation occurred. We became disconnected from that part of ourselves where we were in complete connection to love and automatically expressed love outwards – to everything and everyone.

This disconnect shifted our approach from one of love to one of fear. We went from a me-and-you way of navigating life to one of me-versus-you.

Our connection to love gave us a solid power base that allowed us to express the qualities of love easily – without limitations. We felt empowered.

Fear robbed us of our solid power base. We were disconnected, and we felt disempowered.  As this fear-based way of approaching life played out, fear’s qualities like judgment, blame, anger, shame, greed, competitiveness, protectiveness, defensiveness, small-mindedness, etc.., took hold.

Survival became our main raison d’être, and we pitted ourselves against one another. We were unaware that we were all (perpetrators and victims) influenced by inherited ways from past generations. My quote of the month is from my book, Why We Are the Way We Are

You Cannot Overcome What You Are Unaware of and Unwilling to Look At

Humanity became trapped in these fear-based ways of approaching life, passed on from civilization to civilization. From generation to generation! They became anchored into our DNA – to the point that we were no longer aware that we were living life from an unnatural mindset.

It is Humanity’s evolutionary time to shift out of this mindset and its fear-based ways of being. And it is happening!

As a society, we didn’t know – or were afraid to face that we were holding onto old, outdated ways of being. Society’s tentacles are complex and have a very long reach. Change is scary! The unknown is scary.

As individuals, we haven’t known – or were afraid to face that we were holding onto old, outdated ways of being. Until recently, we didn’t realize that we should – or could change the ways of being and navigating life that we grew up with.

It is scary to look within to our attitudes, thought processes, and behavior patterns – to open the door to realizing that we may have thought or acted in unhelpful and hurtful ways.

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Our thought processes and default ways of being are nothing to be ashamed of. We now know that we inherited unhelpful and disempowering ways of being from our past. It is not our fault that we internalize our feelings and feel hurt. Or that we project our feelings and act badly towards others.

This knowledge gives us the assurance that we can look at our default ways of being – without fear or shame. so that we can shift from … It’s Not Me–It’s You / It’s Not You–It’s Me – to – It’s Both / It’s Neither …  because …

… when issues arise, both of us are coming from a place of misalignment from love – inherited from our pasts – and unaware that we are simply feeling bad or acting badly from that place of misalignment.

I wish you a beautiful rest of the Fall.  Stay safe, and warm???

©Rosemary McCarthy, October 25, 2021.

My Writing Services Page          My Blog Page         Sign-Up for my Free Monthly Publication      My Facebook Page.

About My Books: (2 Published Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science” and “Why We Are the Way We Are” –  2 Upcoming “Overcome Your Unconscious Influences, like Anger Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness” – due out early 2022, and “Relationship Intelligence …” – due out late Spring 2022

You can share this article as long as you include the copyright message below. If you share through Facebook (link is below), the message will automatically copy.

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Copyright© Rosemary McCarthy. October 25, 2021,  All rights Reserved. You may only copy, share and distribute this article provided that the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website www.yourjourneytopeace.com  are included. You can contact me at: rosemary@spiritedfawnpublications.com. Blessings, and thank you kindly.?

 

 

Our Emotional Worlds – Part 2

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Understanding Our Emotional Wounds

We have mostly been unaware that Unconscious Influences run our lives – without our consent.

(Link to Part 1 below)

Our past experiences and emotional wounds – those we remember and those we do not – are embedded in our cellular memories, and along with our innate personalities affect how we feel, how we react, and what we do, or don’t do.

How we approach life is also based on what we inherited from our ancestry and Humanity’s history – from our familial, generational, cultural, and religious / spiritual backgrounds.

Whether positive or negative, these Unconscious Influences and the heart-beliefs these create are deeply embedded in our psyches. We often don’t understand why we, or others, act the way we do.

This article/blog post is based in concepts from my books:

“Your Journey to Peace … “  see  here  for About Book

and “Why We Are the Way We Are” see  here  for About Book

(Book cover images below)

This is because negative underlying influences lead us to believe that to be happy and feel emotionally and physically safe, we must navigate the world in protective and defensive ways.

Our Unconscious Influences float about in our psyches

like sparks of love or daggers of fear.

They will influence how we feel, act, react, live, and love.

Humanity’s history has been to allow – and even promote a thought-based system based on fear and lack to run our lives. Main stream society was repressed, and so we became fearful and a paradigm of lack set in.  Fear caused us to not question the status quo.

We were always overruled, as we were at the beck and call of the powerful and wealthy for our survival. So, we buried our ideas. We buried our real feelings and emotions. Burying became the norm.

And so today, much of what we feel, say, and do is based on Unconscious Influences that were never addressed, or questioned, but that run our lives.

We think that our feelings and our responses are based in truths, but often they are not. What we feel and how we respond often comes from learned patterns of behavior that became habitual.

Buried feelings and fear-based thinking

cause a disconnect from our True Self.

From its love and sense of empowerment.

~ 

The connection to our True Self

is as necessary for our spiritual well-being

as breathing is to our physical well-being.

 Disconnected from our True Self, we are disconnected from our heart-space, and unable to experience the Oneness we are a part of. Being disconnected from our heart-space, we are unable to meet others at theirs, and can only meet them at a head-to-head level. At this head-to-head level we are unable feel the Oneness we share with others. We feel adrift in the world.

Our Emotional Worlds - Part 2

Disconnected from our heart-space, we often feel hurt because we are not connected to the love within. What other people say and do affects us because we are needy for love. Not knowing what to do with the hurt, we project it outwards and get angry at the other, blame them, and/or are judgmental of them. Or, we may become overly passive, creating more emotional turmoil within us.

All these ways of responding create push-and-pull scenarios with others. Conflicts ensue, keeping us feeling further alienated from the love within, and from others.

The ways we navigate the world and deal with others are just symptoms of the deeper, unaddressed issues we have not been taught how to acknowledge and override.

  • Feeling hurt is a symptom of neediness.
  • Getting angry is a symptom of frustration.
  • Being judgmental is a symptom of lack of confidence, or of coming from a place of
  • separateness rather than Oneness.
  • Blaming others is projecting our fears and frustrations outwards.
  • Being overly passive is a manifestation of a lack of confidence – of self-worth.

As well as being unduly influenced by how we have been taught to approach life,

we have not been shown how to love unconditionally.

What we experienced, witnessed, and/or attitudes we inherited from our past has lured our psyches into believing that conditional love is the norm.

The protective, and divisive attitudes and reactionary states that rule our lives leave no room for unconditional love. Unconscious Influences and the habitual patterns of behavior they create and our inability to feel and give unconditional love is what keeps us from being our Best Self.

Our Emotional Worlds - Part 2

To Become Our Best Self, We Must Consider Two Elements

  1. A) Connect To, and Anchor in Our True Self
  2. B) Dismantle What Is in the Way of Accessing Our True Self.

Next week I will further discuss these two important factors to becoming our Best Self. To keep updated follow my Facebook page, or sign up for my monthly newsletter – both links below.

See here for Part 1

~Rosemary McCarthy© May 17, 2019

See here  to Subscribe to my Free Monthly Publication – to keep updated on new posts, books, and events.

here for this blog Page – here for my other blog page (both with articles on various subjects related to our personal, collective, and cosmic journeys

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You can share this article as long as you include the full copyright message below. If you share through Facebook (link is also below), the message automatically copies.

See here for About “Why We Are the Way We Are”

See here for About “Journey to Peace… “

Copyright © May 6, 2019 by Rosemary McCarthy. All rights Reserved. You may only copy, share and distribute this article provided that the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website www.yourjourneytopeace.com are included. However, I would appreciate if you would inform me of where or to whom it has been shared, using email rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com. Blessings, and thank you kindly. Rosemary

Everything Stems from Love or Fear – Part 1/3

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Everything Stems from Love or Fear - Part 1/3

Although we are not aware of it, all our thoughts, feelings, attitudes, reactions, and actions stem from either Love, or from Fear.

Coming from LOVE we are happy, contented, feel empowered, have harmony in our life, and are able to create healthy relationships.

Coming from FEAR, we may often be frustrated, feel disempowered, be tentative, are aggressive, blame others, and often experience conflict in life and our relationships.

When our mind is calm and we feel happy, light-hearted, worry-free, and we are able to embrace our passions we are aligned to our True Self. To Source. To the love within. Connected to this love within, our attitudes and behaviors reflect the qualities of LOVE.

(Below, Illustration 4 shows some of the aspects of LOVE)

When our mind is in overdrive, we can’t focus, or we are consumed with worry, blame, judgement or any other negative or disempowering thoughts or feelings we are disconnected from our True Self. Disconnected to this love within, our attitudes and behaviors reflect the qualities of FEAR.

(Below, Illustration 5 shows some aspects of FEAR)

We are all born connected to this love within. To our True Self. However, over the years we have gathered impressions from our life experiences, or from what we have witnessed.

This article/blog post is based in concepts from my books “Your Journey to Peace, …” and my newly released  “Why We Are the Way We Are” (info at end of post)

See here for About “Journey …” (available in Print and E-book Format).

Archetypes Act As Conduits to Help Us, and to Strengthen Latent Qualities Within Us

If in the past we experienced or witnessed mostly loving, compassionate, uplifting, non-judgmental attitudes and acceptance of others we will have a positive outlook on life as our connection to our True Self will have remained quite strong.

However, if growing up the attitudes and behaviors we experienced or witnessed were mostly unloving, and the people around us were controlling, judgmental, or cruel and their aim was to disempower, we will likely have a negative attitude about life as our connection to the love within will have been weakened. However, a negative past can be overcome.

Sometimes being around negative and unloving people creates such an impact on us that we reject the negativity and become positive and loving. Or, one person in our life may have positively influenced us so much so that the spark of love was kept alive within us

Unhealed emotions from past negativity still stuck within us need a voice. This is most often released in dysfunctional ways.

Unaddressed emotions affect our self-esteem. Our level of confidence. The will to do. We may be indecisive. Depression, lethargy, bad habits, or even addictions may surface. We may become overly passive and/or passive aggressive.

Or, we project our unhealed emotions out into the world as aggressive behaviors.

Everything Stems from Love or Fear - Part 1/3

Love 

Connecting to and Expressing Love’s qualities is at the heart of our peace and happiness, our harmony with others, and the cornerstone of healthy and harmonious relationships.

Fear

Fear is at the root of all of our issues. We do not recognize it as such, as it masks itself in many different manifestations that aim to protect us. However, these create confusion within us, keep us in limitation, and bring disharmony to our relationships. 

Everything Stems from Either Love or Fear

I will continue this message next week in Part 2. Follow my Facebook page to access here 

Rosemary McCarthy© updated February 2019.

See here for About Journey to Peace …  See below for info on my newly released book.

here  to Join my Free Monthly Publication with various themes

here for this Blog Page – here for my Blog Page related to my new book (info below) – both with articles on various subjects related to our personal, collective, and cosmic journeys

You can share this article as long as you include the Full Copyright Message Below. If you share through Facebook (link is also below), the message automatically copies.

See here for info about my newly released book Why We Are the Way We Are

Text and illustrations copyright ©Rosemary McCarthy (updated February 25, 2019). All rights Reserved. You may only copy, share and distribute this article provided that the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website www.yourjourneytopeace.com are included. However, I would appreciate if you would inform me of where or to whom it has been shared, using email rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com. Blessings, and thank you kindly.