It’s Not Me–It’s You. It’s Not You–It’s Me. It’s Both. It’s Neither – Newsletter October 2021

When we come from a place of It’s Not Me – It’s You, we project our fears and feelings onto the other.

Ultimately, we are all responsible for the feelings that arise in us. Projecting our feelings back at the other is an attempt to deflect owning our feelings. And rather than get angry, defensive, or blame the other – it is more productive to respond calmly. 

When we come from a place of It’s Not You – It’s Me, we internalize how the other made us feel.

We are also responsible for any feelings we internalize, bury, and hide from the other. And rather than allowing our emotions to stew and later erupt or morph into passive-aggressive attitudes or behaviors, it is more productive to speak up calmly – but confidently.

Later, we can look to understand why we allow another to make us feel bad and how we allow them to treat us in the way they do. (Sign-Up  to receive my Free Monthly Newsletter where I cover a variety of subjects related to our personal development).

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Whether we project or internalize, we take personally what the other said, did, didn’t say, didn’t do, or how they reacted or didn’t react. Don’t take things personally is one of the four agreements from … 

 The Four Agreements, by Don Miguel Ruiz – My Recommended Book of the Month

When People Disagree or One Feels Hurt, or Gets Disappointed or Disillusioned

?It’s Both of Us: because when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from love. One is unaware that they are feeling bad because of their misalignment; the other is unaware that they are behaving in hurtful ways that stem from their misalignment.

And …

?It’s Neither of Us: Our true reality is that we are love. However, we are disconnected from that love. So, when issues arise, both are coming from a place of misalignment from that love – unaware that they are simply feeling bad or acting out from that place of misalignment.

With this understanding that It Is Both of Us – and – It Is Neither of Us – and knowing that each is unaware that they are feeling or reacting from this place of misalignment, it is easier to understand and forgive how the other is showing up.

To shift from It’s Not Me–It’s You – or – It’s Not You–It’s Me” – to – “It’s Both – It’s Neither” we must …

? Come from a place of honesty and authenticity within ourselves

? Bring the qualities of love – calmness, compassion, understanding, forgiveness, acceptance, and harmony to the other.

And to get there, it helps to …

? Remember that we are all somewhat misaligned from our true reality – from the love we are at our core

? Recognize that you cannot always feel love and are therefore not always able to come from a place of love

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? Rather than hide or deflect your thoughts and feelings, allow them to arise honestly within yourself. And if need be …

? Express how you feel – honestly and calmly to the other – without blame or judgment

?Aim to consciously bring the qualities of love to your dealings with others.

If our default is to blame, judge, or react aggressively or be overly passive (being overly-passive is not loving ourselves), making the shift to being loving to ourselves and others takes time and practice.

A trick I learned when I studied A Course in Miracles that helped me overcome my default and make conscious shifts to come from a place of love was to ask myself: What Would Love Do?

A Course in Miracles is a profound self-study that guides us to see others and life from a place of love. We learn to respond calmly and with fairness, compassion, and acceptance – rather than from the ego’s fear-based thought system with its propensity to blame, judge, and defend. (You can read my associated post, What Would Love Do? by clicking on the above link).

We Are All Somewhat Misaligned from Love – from Our True Reality

 Most of us were not taught that we are misaligned from our essence – from love. It was on my journey of personal development that I learned that it is this misalignment that causes us to act and react in unloving ways – towards ourselves and others.

We are not bad – or wrong. We may act badly, hurt others, or do wrong things,

but we are not bad or wrong at our core. We can repair, but we should never feel ashamed.

We inherited these hurtful and defensive ways of being from eons past.

I learned that once, whether on earth, in another form, or before the big bang, we were “at one with God”– connected to love. At some point, a separation occurred. We became disconnected from that part of ourselves where we were in complete connection to love and automatically expressed love outwards – to everything and everyone.

This disconnect shifted our approach from one of love to one of fear. We went from a me-and-you way of navigating life to one of me-versus-you.

Our connection to love gave us a solid power base that allowed us to express the qualities of love easily – without limitations. We felt empowered.

Fear robbed us of our solid power base. We were disconnected, and we felt disempowered.  As this fear-based way of approaching life played out, fear’s qualities like judgment, blame, anger, shame, greed, competitiveness, protectiveness, defensiveness, small-mindedness, etc.., took hold.

Survival became our main raison d’être, and we pitted ourselves against one another. We were unaware that we were all (perpetrators and victims) influenced by inherited ways from past generations. My quote of the month is from my book, Why We Are the Way We Are

You Cannot Overcome What You Are Unaware of and Unwilling to Look At

Humanity became trapped in these fear-based ways of approaching life, passed on from civilization to civilization. From generation to generation! They became anchored into our DNA – to the point that we were no longer aware that we were living life from an unnatural mindset.

It is Humanity’s evolutionary time to shift out of this mindset and its fear-based ways of being. And it is happening!

As a society, we didn’t know – or were afraid to face that we were holding onto old, outdated ways of being. Society’s tentacles are complex and have a very long reach. Change is scary! The unknown is scary.

As individuals, we haven’t known – or were afraid to face that we were holding onto old, outdated ways of being. Until recently, we didn’t realize that we should – or could change the ways of being and navigating life that we grew up with.

It is scary to look within to our attitudes, thought processes, and behavior patterns – to open the door to realizing that we may have thought or acted in unhelpful and hurtful ways.


Our thought processes and default ways of being are nothing to be ashamed of. We now know that we inherited unhelpful and disempowering ways of being from our past. It is not our fault that we internalize our feelings and feel hurt. Or that we project our feelings and act badly towards others.

This knowledge gives us the assurance that we can look at our default ways of being – without fear or shame. so that we can shift from … It’s Not Me–It’s You / It’s Not You–It’s Me – to – It’s Both / It’s Neither …  because …

… when issues arise, both of us are coming from a place of misalignment from love – inherited from our pasts – and unaware that we are simply feeling bad or acting badly from that place of misalignment.

I wish you a beautiful rest of the Fall.  Stay safe, and warm???

©Rosemary McCarthy, October 25, 2021.

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About My Books: (2 Published Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Scienceand “Why We Are the Way We Are”  2 Upcoming Overcome Your Unconscious Influences, like Anger Frustration, Hurt Feelings, and Blaming Others for Your Unhappiness” due out early 2022, and “Relationship Intelligence …” – due out late Spring 2022

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Copyright© Rosemary McCarthy. October 25, 2021,  All rights Reserved. You may only copy, share and distribute this article provided that the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website  are included. You can contact me at: Blessings, and thank you kindly.?



Newsletter August 2020 – Like Squirrels, Storing Up Our Happiness/Contentment Quotient

Habits and practices that keep our emotional and mental bodies healthy and balanced build up our emotional/spiritual muscles. This gives us the inner strength to deal with the ups and downs life throws at us – and in a calm and functional way.

This newsletter theme was inspired by my realization that with the Fall and Winter looming, I will be spending less time outdoors, and unable to reap all the benefits the summer has brought with it. Simply being outdoors breathing in fresh air invigorates us. And this year, the easy breezy feeling summertime brings with it and the many simple things we can do that make us feel good have helped keep our spirits at least somewhat up. Our spiritual muscles have been fed.

However, with the Fall and then the Winter looming we will feel the restrictions more, and so we must ensure that our spiritual muscles – our happiness/contentment quotient remain strong. We must start NOW to further strengthen them so that we can keep our spirits up throughout the next few seasons.

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Our Happiness/Contentment Quotient

When our emotional and mental bodies are healthy and balanced,

our spiritual muscles are strong.

 We are happy, contented, and feel calm and peaceful.

When we have minor upsets that affect our peace and happiness, most of us know what to do to get back to feeling our normal selves, and we usually can do so within a relatively short period of time.

Our emotional and mental bodies have muscle memory – just like with our physical muscles, so as long as we are normally a relatively happy and contented person,  we can usually bounce back quite easily from minor upsets.

Sometimes we deal with minor physical ailments that require a little attention for a short period of time. However, at other times, like with major diseases or injuries that require a long period of recuperation, we must take extra care of our self and ensure we are devoting enough time to the required treatments and protocols. And when we have a heads-up, like with a scheduled operation, we can prepare our body for what is ahead.

Recently, our emotional and mental bodies have taken a BIG hit.

Therefore, we must ensure that we are devoting enough time to keeping

our happiness and contentment muscles strong,

 so that we can deal with anything that may threaten our sense of balance.

Whenever we feel bad, sad, or stressed, it is normal to seek relief. We all feel better when we are happy and contented, and feel at peace. Thus, we seek out what will bring us relief so that we can return to feeling good.

Sometimes, or for some of us anyway, we seek relief from an upset in ways that elevate us. Talking to or being with a cherished friend or our loved ones, taking in shows, videos, or an activity that uplifts us, doing light exercise or practices like Tai Chi or yoga, or simply spending time in nature all increase our sense of well-being. These are all high-vibration activities that elevate our being. And not only do they make us feel good in the moment, they are keeping our mental and emotional bodies strong.

Newsletter August 2020 - Like Squirrels, Storing Up Our Happiness/Contentment Quotient

Turning to Solution that Uplift Us

At other times, and only for some of us, in our attempt to get relief from an upset we may turn to what is basically a band-aid solution. Frantically rushing around in avoidance, turning to food or drink and overindulging, or binging on dramatic shows or videos for hours all may bring us immediate relief. However, as these are all low-vibration activities they bring our being down. Later, we may suffer from physical or mental sluggishness or even exhaustion, so we feel bad again.  Also, these types of coping mechanisms weaken our spiritual muscles.

I believe most of you receiving this newsletter are in the northern hemisphere and have been enjoying being outside throughout the summer in the fresh air and have usually been able to find quiet spots void of crowds. When outdoors its pretty easy to social distance, and so this has been our savior as most of our usual social activities have been curtailed.

The fall approaches, and then winter follows. We will no longer be able to benefit from being outdoors as much, and so we must ensure our spiritual muscle is extra strong so that we remain in the best frame of mind possible. We can start preparing NOW, so that we get through the confines that will shortly be upon us – without too much emotional upheaval.

When upsets happen, as they inevitably will,

 we must turn to coping mechanisms that uplift us in the long run.

We cannot afford to turn to those that will ultimately deflate us further.

Let’s start practicing good, healthy coping mechanisms NOW. The more we do this, the faster it becomes second nature, allowing us to grow super strong spiritual muscles.

Most of us have found some happiness and contentment in our lives. We know what it feels like. So does our inner being. So, let’s ensure that whatever we are doing we are seeking to tap into that well of good feelings. If it doesn’t arise naturally, it is just below the surface of our awareness, and we can access it by consciously doing or focusing on what will brings it up.

Like little squirrels, let’s prepare for colder weather. Start gathering up your happiness and contentment quotient NOW. If you feel down or are upset for any reason, ensure you turn to what uplifts you – rather than turning to band-aid solutions that may seem satisfying and/or easier, but that ultimately won’t serve you best.

We can prepare and lay a good foundation by,

  • Looking into, or stocking up on, books that will make you smile, laugh, excite you, or simply make you feel good. Or, if your preference is movies or shows, look into those that are uplifting and find out where you can view them.
  • Look into online dance, music, exercise, yoga, comedy, cooking classes, or any other type of group activity that will fulfill you.
  • Listen to soothing music. (There are a few links below).
  • Start a regular spiritual practice if you don’t have one, be it yoga, Tai Chi, drumming, or one of the many guided meditations. (I have listed a few below with links).
  • Up your regular spiritual practice – either by length, quality, or number of times a day. (I have done this throughout this challenging time and it really has helped me stay somewhat sane).
  • Listen to Healing Music, like Tibetan or Crystal Bowl healing. There are many on YouTube. (I have listed a few below).
  • School yourself on online aids like Zoom to help you connect regularly with others.
  • Look into a new hobby you might want to finally embrace.

Newsletter August 2020 - Like Squirrels, Storing Up Our Happiness/Contentment Quotient

We need to gather up all the necessary good vibs into our being so that our spiritual muscles are strong enough to ensure that throughout the winter we embrace coping mechanisms that uplift us – rather than deflate us. We need to keep our happiness and contentment quotient strong to weather the winter, and rise up to any challenge set for us.

My wish is that we all go through these next seasons with ease and grace, feeling contentment, happiness, love, and joy throughout the days, and able to conjure these up whenever they don’t come easily or naturally.

In the meantime, let’s take full advantage of the warm weather and beauty Fall brings with us, and pray we have a nice winter.

With love and warm thoughts,


Rosemary McCarthy© August 20, 2020.

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Original Copyright © August 22, 2020 by Rosemary McCarthy. All rights Reserved. To copy, share, or distribute this post simply ensure the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website are included. You can contact me at: rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.comBlessings and thank you kindly. Rosemary.?


Links to Relaxing/Healing Music and Meditations:

Healing Music, 3 hours.

Spiritual Awakening Music – from Spirit Tribe Awakening 3 hours. (They have many on their site

Soothing Music for Meditation XXX hrs?:

Melanie Beckler. Here are a few recent meditations I have used:

Blockage Removal: Accessing Light Codes, 17 minutes:


Emergency Call Meditation 12 minutes. Use for specific concerns, like health, finances, issues with others – whatever we are concerned about or want help with:

Eckhart Tolle

Presence group mediation, 30 minutes (Watch him during video – only close eyes at end when he says to. Seeing him brings an energy I felt it:


Chi Gong, 17 minutes: