Our Love Languages and our Relationships

We all have diverse personalities. Different ways of navigating life. Varying emotional needs. Many of us are sensitive to how others treat and appreciate us and our efforts, and this is especially true in our intimate relationships.

None of us are completely free of unconscious influences from our past. These affect how we perceive life. They can make us extra sensitive. This shows up as our vulnerabilities and affects how we perceive what our partner is saying or doing, and how we respond to him or her.

We may even seem overly needy to our partner if he or she doesn’t understand our vulnerabilities, or if they choose to minimize or brush them off a silly.

This is why trust, communication, and creating a “safe haven” for each in the partnership to show the other their fears, emotional barometer, and vulnerabilities is vital. So is being sensitive to our partner’s needs – even if we don’t understand them.

This article/blog post is based on concepts in my book Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science. Book Synopsis is found here).

Archetypes Act As Conduits to Help Us, and to Strengthen Latent Qualities Within Us

Many of us are somewhat needy for love, as we were never taught to connect to the love within – to our true self. Nor were we exposed to unconditional love. We therefore look to get our love needs satisfied from externals. To feel love from those close to us.

We all have different ways we express our love to our partner, but we also have different ways we interpret love from our partner. What makes one feel loved, may feel like an empty gesture to another.

This is because we all have our own internal way of feeling loved. A major part of showing our love to our partner in the way he or she most easily feels loved is understanding and acting upon what Gary Chapman calls our “love languages.”(1)

If we were completely connected to our true self 100% of the time – and to the love it holds – we would not need any specific expression of our partner’s (or anyone else’s) love for us.

However, as we are not all fully aligned with our true self and are just doing our best to deal with our inner worlds and unconscious influences, we feel most loved when those close to us – especially our spouse expresses their love to us in the way we feel it.

In Gary Chapman’s The Five Love Languages, he tells us that learning our partner’s love language is paramount to understanding how to show them our love so that they feel it as much as we are attempting to show it. Listed below are Chapman’s Five Love Languages. (1)

Love Language 1: Words of Affirmation: We are not often taught to use encouraging, kind, and humble words, so as adults we do not tend to use positive affirmations of love. Complimenting and showing appreciation to a partner who needs to hear love and appreciation voiced is fundamental in communicating our love to them. Receiving positive reinforcements makes our loved one much more willing and motivated to fulfill our desires.

Love Language 2: Quality Time: For many, togetherness and quality time is vital to them feeling loved. Having quality conversations and heartfelt sharing encourages intimacy for them. And listening attentively when he or she speaks from their heart is paramount.

Our Love Languages and our Relationships

Love Language 3: Receiving Gifts: Gifts are important in relationships because they are tactile and visual symbols of love, particularly if our partner requires physical manifestations as a sign of our love. So, bringing our spouse gifts, especially for no reason at all, makes them feel loved. So does knowing what they like to receive as a gifts.

Love Language 4: Acts of Service: The act of being served is how some people feel loved. Both small and large gestures will please a partner who feels loved by being served. Small gestures like making him or her supper for no reason, keeping their car fueled up and washed, or offering to babysit so the other can get away with the guys or gals keeps him or her feeling loved and appreciated. He or she will then be able to respond more lovingly.

Love Language 5: Physical Touch: Any act of physical touch is felt as an expression of our love to someone who requires touch as an indicator of love. A simple brush as you walk by, a hug or kiss as you leave or come home, or a massage for no particular reason will keep the necessary physical communication open that the other needs. A healthy sex life is paramount to the partner whose love language is touch. (1)

At the same time, we must show appreciation to our partner for any attempt or gesture he or she makes to show their love and appreciation – no matter how feeble their attempt seems to us and even when it is in ways that do not fulfill our particular love needs.

When living at our highest potentials we would instinctively know how to express our love to our partner so they feel it. Interestingly, if they too were living at their highest potential they wouldn’t need any specific outward signs of our love.

However, since most of us are not there yet and have been programmed to get our love cues from the external world, expressing our love in the way our partner feels it strengthens the relationship.

Endnote

(1) Gary Chapman, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate (Chicago: Northfield Publishing, 1992), 37–121.

© Rosemary McCarthy, uupdated June, 2018.

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Copyright © 2018 by Rosemary McCarthy. All rights Reserved. You may only copy, share and distribute this article provided that the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website www.yourjourneytopeace.com are included. You can contact me at: rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com. Blessings.

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Law of Expansion - Universal Law 6 (of 6)

Newsletter – The Importance of Appreciation – May 2018

Welcome to my May 2018 newsletter. The theme this month is on Appreciation. Here is a peak inside.

 

The Importance of Appreciation

Since we recently celebrated Mothers Day and Fathers Day is fast approaching lets consider the importance of Appreciation.

Appreciation for the People in Our Lives.

Appreciation for all that We Have.

 Appreciation for the Planet’s Beauty and her Abundance.

From a Practical Perspective Being Appreciative moves us into our heart space and makes us feel good. It creates a fondness around what we are appreciating. This goes into our memory bank and we can retrieve the feeling whenever we choose to – to feel good again.

From a Spiritual Perspective Being Appreciative creates a vibration that invites more of what we are appreciating into our lives.

~ Rosemary McCarthy© May, 2018.

These concepts are from my book, Your Journey to Peace,  Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science. Read about it  here

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Email me at rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com to receive future newsletters.

 

 

 

We Are Always Praying

In a way, we are always praying or making requests for what we want. Our thoughts and attitudes give off vibrations and Spirit, God, the universe (or whatever term we use for the conscious creative universal force) interpret our vibrations as what we like and returns more of the same to us.

It is always important to be aware of our thoughts and attitudes – for us, those around us, and for how we want the world to progress, but it is vital regarding what we want in life. If they are not congruent with what we want, we undermine the process.

Whether we are formally praying, requesting something in a meditation or from Spirit, or simply dreaming of what we want, we are answered in accordance with the quality of our general vibrations, as well as those we have around our desire.

All our thoughts, attitudes, words, and actions create vibrations. Our prayers, requests, and heartfelt desires are affected by our vibrations. Our vibrations change when we adjust our thoughts and attitudes. They are organic.

This article/blog post is based on concepts in my book Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science. Book Synopsis is found here).

Archetypes Act As Conduits to Help Us, and to Strengthen Latent Qualities Within Us

We Can Influence If, and to What Degree, Our Prayers Are Answered

What we have asked for and desire is not only affected by our vibrations at the time of our request, but also if our vibrations surrounding it change. To get the results we want, we must:

  • ensure that our vibrations are generally positive when praying;
  • believe that we are deserving of what we are requesting;
  • have faith that it can come about;
  • keep our thoughts and words around our desire or request positive;
  • ensure we do not undermine our original request;
  • be positive around the general theme of what we are desiring or asking for;

We must feel confident and deserving of what we are asking for. For example, if we applying for a new job, but think we will not get it or lie about our qualifications we are showing a lack of confidence in our self and our abilities.

If we second guess our request because we believe that what we request cannot come about, we lack faith in Spirit to deliver what we want.

We must keep our thoughts about what we have requested positive, but also talk only positively about it.

For example, if we have requested a loving life-partner, but talk negatively about that sex in general or about how we have been treated badly in the past, we are not setting ourselves up to attract someone loving and positive in our life. We can’t talk negatively about what we want and expect it to show up in a positive way.

Worrying about the outcome, being impatient and wanting it now, becoming obsessive about it, or conniving or manipulative to help bring about what we have prayed for shows a lack of faith that the universe is working on our request and can deliver.

Having negative attitudes about or being jealous of others who have what we want creates negative vibrations around our request.

For example, if we want to be successful in our career but are jealous or critical of others who are successful and wealthy, our vibrations about success are muddled. This affects the clarity of our request.

Any negative, faithless thoughts, attitudes, or even words undermine our request. They are inconsistent with what we are asking for, which creates vibrations that affect the outcome we desire.

They confuse Spirit as to what we want. Our desire may not be answered how we wish. Vibrations inconsistent with our original request can even have the effect of canceling it out completely.

Science and Religious Teachings are Looking to Each Other Again

Although talk of praying and vibrations may seem counterintuitive to the teachings of traditional religion whereby we pray to God for what we want and expect it to be delivered to us without any self-examination of how we may be blocking it, many within the religious communities are integrating scientific explanations with spiritual theories – as the ancients did.

We Are Always Praying

In his talk “Miraculous Probabilities: The Science of Faith,” theologian Dr. Jim Richards tells us that “electromagnetic fields” are created around our prayers and requests. That it is our faith, confidence, and the clarity of our requests that allow them to be answered.

Others within the religious communities are also now teaching that we must have a positive mental atmosphere that is congruent with our request to help bring it about. (1)

We must fully believe that we are deserving of what we want, confident that it is possible, and be clear in our message.

Wishy-washy requests, second guessing ourselves, or having negative and/or limiting attitudes around the theme affect our vibrations and the electromagnetic fields we create that dictate if, and when, it comes about.

Our Requests Are Usually Granted – in Time

If our vibrations are positive and remain mostly consistent regarding our requests and it is within the realm of possibilities, our prayers are usually answered – at least in time.

I say usually, because sometimes we pray for things that are way off base from our soul’s journey, and they may not come to pass.

Still, most of our requests can be answered because our soul’s plan does not include the minor details, just general guidelines, such as dealing with our controlling tendencies.

However, some soul lessons that we came here to fulfill cannot be overruled, and if a certain request is not congruent with that, it will not happen.

We never know God’s full plan for our lives, and from our limited perspective we may feel we want something that will not ultimately serve us or that plan.

And patience is always vital when waiting for our prayers or requests to come about or our desires answered. The timing of elements surrounding what we want may include other people getting prepared or events or conditions falling in line.

Spirit works on many levels to make our requests happen, however the universe does not work in a vacuum. Things and circumstances must be lined up.

We Are Always Praying

Pray in our Joy; Pray for Qualities; Give Appreciation.

As well as praying for things we want or what we want to happen, it is also beneficial to ask for qualities that will help us manage life’s difficult circumstances, become our best self, and grow spiritually: like patience, courage, guidance, wisdom, and discernment.

As Khalil Gibran suggests in his well-loved book, The Prophet, we should also pray when we are happy and satisfied in life.

You pray in your distress and in your need;

would that you might pray also in the fullness of your joy

and in your days of abundance. —Khalil Gibran (2)

Thanking God, Spirit, the universe for what we have – being appreciative for all that has been bestowed upon us puts us in a receiving mode.

And in our prayers and requests the concept of “make me” instead of “give me” goes much further for our long-term happiness, contentment, and spiritual growth than asking for things.

~ Rosemary McCarthy© May, 2018.

(See bottom of page for endnotes)

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Endnotes:

(1) Jim Richards, “Miraculous Probabilities: The Science of Faith,” New Day, Vision TV, August 2012, http://www.mynewday.tv/shows/miraculous-probabilities-the-science-of-faith/.

(2) Khalil Gibran, The Prophet (New York: Alfred A. Knopf, 2008), 67.

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Copyright © 2018 by Rosemary McCarthy. All rights Reserved. To copy, share, or distribute this post simply ensure the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website www.yourjourneytopeace.com are included. You can contact me at: rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.comBlessings and thank you kindly. Rosemary.