3 Worksheets – Forgiveness; Making Small Shifts; Judgment of Self, Others …

Below are 3 of the 22 worksheets from my book, Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap Between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science. They are a companion to article “Self Forgiveness is Paramount to becoming Our Best Self,” http://yourjourneytopeace.com/self-forgiveness-is-paramount-in-becoming-our-best-self/.

You can read more about the book these are based on by clicking on “Book Synopsis” above and access more articles regarding our personal, collective, and cosmic journeys in “View Archives” on the  “Home” page.


Worksheet 18: Forgiveness   (Copyright © 2016 Rosemary McCarthy (see below for full © notation)

(Start with a small, two-minute meditation, prayer, or attunement to your Best Self).

A) Self-Forgiveness:

  • I need to forgive myself for …

B) Forgiving Others:

  • I need to forgive others for …

C) Forgiving Situations:

  • I need to forgive the situation …

D) Forgiving the World: Humanity and Its History

  • I need to forgive the world regarding …


 © 2016 Rosemary McCarthy, updated December 2017. 

Worksheet 19:  Small Shifts I Can Start With (see below for Large Shifts)

(Start with a small, two-minute meditation, prayer, or attunement to your Best Self)

Small Shifts

Replacing Judgment with Acceptance:

  • I can replace judgment with acceptance regarding …

Replacing Blame with Understanding:

  • I can replace blame with understanding regarding …

Replacing Anger with Self-Control:

  • I can replace anger with self-control regarding …

Replacing Indifference with Empathy:

  • I can replace indifference with empathy toward …

Replacing That Which Causes Discord with That Which Embraces Harmony:

  • I can replace my words, attitudes, or actions with more positive, uplifting, or empowering ones toward …

Large Shifts in Attitudes or Behaviors I can Make


 © 2016 Rosemary McCarthy, updated December 2017 .

Worksheet 20:  Judgments of Self, Others, Groups, or Situations

(Start with a small, two-minute meditation, prayer, or attunement to your Best Self)

Where I Judge Myself:

Where I Judge Others:

Where I Judge Group of People:

Where I Judge Situations:


You may share these worksheets, ensuring you include the © note below. When sharing through Facebook (link is below), the message automatically copies.

Copyright © 2016 by Rosemary McCarthy. All rights Reserved. You may share these worksheets, provided they are distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for this post, the associated article http://yourjourneytopeace.com/self-forgiveness-is-paramount-in-becoming-our-best-self/ and the book’s website www.yourjourneytopeace.com are included. You may contact me at rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com. Blessings, and thank you kindly.

Chapter Titles and Quotes from Feature Book: Your Journey to Peace, Bridging the Gap between Religion, Spirituality, Psychology, and Science

Chapter Titles:

Part I – Our Journeys


Chapter 1: Why We Are the Way We Are

Chapter 2: Universal Laws / Kingdom Principles

Chapter 3: What We Can Do about It

Chapter 4: Along the Way

Chapter 5: Relationships

Part II – Other Subjects Related to Who We Are, Our Journeys and the Oneness We Are a Part Of

Chapter 6: Words, Symbols, Rituals, Concepts, and Prayers

Chapter 7: Science and Other Related Topics

Chapter 8: Health and Healing; Death and Dying

Chapter 9: The Planet and Abundance

Chapter 10: Ascension

Chapter 11: The Future



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You can access more blog articles on various subjects related to our personal, collective, and cosmic journeys at: http://yourjourneytopeace.com/blog/

You can share this blog post as long as you include the copyright message below. If you share through Facebook (see above link), the message will automatically copy.


(© info is below and must be included if you wish to share the chapter titles or the quotes below. When sharing through Facebook (link is below), the message automatically copies. Book is available in print and e-book format.


Our personal and collective beliefs and attitudes have shaped our past, affect our present, and create a blueprint for our future.

It is in the development of a consciousness of the messages we send out into the Universe and the recognition of what is returning to us that gives us control in our lives.

The Universe came about as form was needed to play out the duality we choose eons ago – before we were in form. Me-versus-you and us-versus-them attitudes that divide rather than unite us is that duality playing out.

Humanity’s issues arise from the false belief of our separateness from Source/Spirit/God.

At our core we are all the same. We all emerged from the same Source/Oneness. Focusing on our similarities rather than on our differences is what will unite us enough help bring about a fairer, safer, and more egalitarian world – where all people have the opportunities to thrive.

Humanity is going through a Shift. It is our cosmic time to wake up from the illusion of our separateness from the Oneness we emerged from – and from our separateness from each other. It is also time for us to embrace the multimensional beings that we are.

We don’t have to understand or even believe all the talk about the Shift or Ascension; we just have to embody or embrace the qualities of love.

Chapter 1

Whether positive or negative, our unconscious beliefs act upon us without our consent, or real knowledge of why.

Ideas of me-and-you and us-and-them reinforce unity. Those of me-versus-you and us-versus-them reinforce separation and encourage divisive attitudes.

Somewhere deep within the crevices of our mind lies the cellular memories of the original feelings of living within a harmony-ruled paradigm, and so it remains a longing deep within us.

Humanity’s history has been based on conditional love. This has created conflicting messages within us, because we extol the virtues of love, but do not uphold them.

We were not sent away by a vengeful God. At levels beyond our awareness and before form we bought into the ego’s (or Satan’s) deception that we had broken our connection to God/ Source. We were filled with remorse, guilt, and fear. Fear of retribution and the projection of that fear with its ensuing shame and guilt into judgment of others is the basis of the human predicament.

Chapter 2

Many have confused God’s revenge with the Universal Law of Balance and that of Cause and Effect playing out in our lives.

Judging another or situations is actually a form of self-hatred, as we are in effect sending daggers into our psyche, as well as into that of the other.

Just as there are proven laws such as gravity that govern our physical world, there are also laws that govern our Universe – and they affect us in all aspects of our lives.

It is in the understanding and applying of the Universal Laws that pertain to us that we can become our Best Self and feel empowered in all areas of our life.

Chapter 3

“The truth will set you free!” Powerful shifts will occur in us when we acknowledge “the truth of who we are” while at the same time reconcile “the truth of who we are being.”

Feeling peace and being happy and empowered requires that we believe in our hearts that we deserve to feel peaceful, and be happy and empowered.

Resistance, the antithesis to non-resistance, is a 3rd dimensional quality that is of a heavy density and requires energy. This energy anchors within us the importance of what we are resisting, making it more real and creating a type of solidity within our being. 

Even though our efforts affect the world matrix, raising out consciousness is not about changing the world, but about changing what is in our minds. However, raising our consciousness often inspires us to assist individuals and the disenfranchised and to help bring about a fairer and more egalitarian world.

As we let go of our denser attitudes, like blame, anger, hatred, cruelty, and greed and start embracing the lighter ones like love, compassion, acceptance, fairness, and equality it re-ignites within us our true, gentle, loving nature. We become more in tune with the good of the all, rather than the good of the few, and our attitudes and actions will start to reflect this, as altruism replaces selfishness. 

Chapter 4

We have been detached from and unaware of the unconditional love that is at the core of our being.

Don’t wallow in what you have or haven’t done—don’t get stuck in the darkness!

As we embrace new, more positive attitudes and approaches to life, we must be careful not to become holier-than-though or adopt a me-better-than-you persona.

 Our ego is “suspicious at best and vicious at worst.” It can turn around and slap us in the face when we are least expecting it – especially when life issues crop up, we are vulnerable with fatigue, or….

How we choose to live life “in the meantime” will likely be the deciding factor to our happiness, because most of our life is spent in the meantime.

It is usually our intellect that is running the show, and our right brain and its creative impulses is usually at its beck and call.

It is often in times of inertia when the real inner work is being done. Once we show interest in changing for the better Spirit works with our inner being on an energetic/spiritual level, and even though much inner juggling is going on these energetic shifts are often very subtle. Building new pathways takes time. Stay patient and embrace the quiet time. You may soon be inspired into action.

The journey to wholeness is a process. Although it is an upward spiral, this period of transformation often seems to take two steps forward and one step backwards and brings with it a sense of fear and uneasiness. We are letting go of what we know, but the have not yet anchored in what replaces it. This can be very unsettling.

Chapter 5

Couples are usually just smashing into each other trying to get their needs met.

We yearn for intimacy in our relationships, but the playing out of our unconscious influences drives wedges between us.

Our closest relationships are often experienced as painful, as their purpose is to show us our misalignments, so that we can heal them.

It is almost impossible to correct others, especially children, without instilling shame into them.

Any ideal or belief based on I-am-right-and-you-are-wrong promotes ideas of separation; not unity; not unconditional love.

When the same situations continue to surface in our lives, Spirit is simply offering us opportunities to choose again, so that we can evolve, grow spiritually, and become our Best Self.

Unless under the influence of major unconscious influences and their dysfunctions, most teens and young adults have the wisdom inside of them to make good, sound life choices that will serve them best, even if they can’t yet articulate them.

Chapter 6

Grace can be bestowed upon us, but we also invoke a state of grace when we align with love and attune to universal energies.

Nothing exists but Oneness. We emerged from the Oneness, are still one with it, but within our current perceptual awareness we believe ourselves separated from it.  

The seventh dimension (of the twelve noted) is considered the level of Christ consciousness.

The Masters were not under the laws of the physical world, nor are we when we partner up them, Spirit, or any other enlightened being who exists within the higher states of consciousness.

An understanding of past-lives and our past and current soul’s journey can explain why some children in a family may have an issue with say, addiction, while another does not.

The Universe will disappear when there is no longer any need for form to play out the duality we embraced eons ago at levels beyond our current awareness.

Reincarnation does not exist in Oneness. However, as we have bought into duality and its illusionary nature, re-incarnation exists, as the different lifetimes offer us soul-growth opportunities on our way to reemerging with the Oneness we originated from.

All form we perceive is an illusion and is of a dualistic nature. Everything within this duality, including us, the Masters, the extra-terrestrials, the light-beings, the Archangels, Spirit, and even the Universe itself is an illusion.

The different races that visited earth inhabit dimensions with varying degrees of spiritual evolution, just as here on earth some of us are more spiritually evolved while others are more technologically advanced.

Chapter 7

When accessing higher levels of consciousness, we connect to the universal forces, and the laws of time, space, and form are easily overcome. We become more attuned to the organic, quantum makeup of the elements. From our limited 3rd dimensional perspective, this is why enlightened beings seem to create miracles.

The availability of free energy is in the realm of possibilities. However, we must believe in this potential; this will help Gaia align herself to the higher dimension from which we can more easily bring it forth.

Our hearts, thoughts, and brains create vibrations. Vibrations create electromagnetic fields. Christiane Northrup tells us that the electromagnetic fields created from our heart chakras are forty times stronger than those created from our brains. Some say even much more so.

The Universe is holographic. As we move beyond the limitations of the 3rd dimension Humanity has existed under we will be able to take advantage of all it entails. This will allow us to feel empowered, be able to reach our full potentials, and feel connected to one another.

As we continue to uncover all about who the gods of old really were, we must be careful not to allow defensiveness about our beliefs to overshadow the true intentions of the Masters and the intrinsic value of the belief systems that blossomed in their wake.

Our thoughts affect our cells, and as they divide they will take their cues from what is already there. If we are sick and put all our focus on being sick, or believe we will get sick, we are creating a design supporting illness. The cell will then replicate itself based on our focus and what we think and believe – unless it is given a new plan.

The masters who came to help us align with the Oneness we emerged from hailed from the higher realms/dimensions, and as such their vibration was light and they exuded unconditional love. They did not continuously return to earth because coming here into our dense and dark 3rd dimension world would be like someone leaving a loving family living in a free, fair, and safe country to live a war torn country where people are mistreated, abused, and in fear of their lives. 

The extra-terrestrials from the realms closest to us were to act as intermediates between us and those light-beings who represent God were intended to support and steer our journey back to that Oneness we emanated from. However, because they were within the illusion some acted badly – just like a minister or guru veers from their intended mission.

At this point in our history and evolution only highly spiritually evolved extra-terrestrials from the higher dimensions are now allowed to interact with earth.

Chapter 8

Traumatic situations are held in our cellular memory until they are dealt with: they sit there like open doors for ailments.

When taking steps to overcome negative influences that are keeping us from being our Best Self, we are trying to replace the old habits, not break them.

In the past we were ignorant about many diseases as well as the mind-body connection regarding all areas of our well-being. With all our newfound information, we now have to be careful not to stigmatize our illnesses because of what we do know, rather than what we do not know.

Chapter 9

Both the physical and emotional abuses we have put upon our Planet has affected her, and she has had to shrug them off.

Some of the changes Gaia is going through are simply part of her evolutionary process, but many are because of the abuses we have put upon her – physically and emotionally – through greed, ignorance, and modernization. 

One of the Indigenous peoples’ main purposes is to maintain their connection to the Planet so that when we strayed, they would be able to show us the way back. We must heed their advice!

At one point in history Humanity lived in harmony with nature and lived sustainability with the Planet’s natural elements. The further we fell into duality, lack, greed, and getting what we wanted and needed to survive became our motivation. This grew to such an extent that we now even manipulate nature to those ends.

amassing wealth for greed or power and hoarding money goes against the laws of nature.

Keeping a vision of the highest ideal of our purpose at the forefront of our consciousness will help keep the pitfalls that monetary abundance and the power it brings with it at bay.

If we want to attract abundance in our life what we hold in our Life Matrix about money must be clear and positive. We must ensure our thoughts and words support that it is possible that we will receive what we are asking for, and that we deserve it . We must ensure we are not outwardly, or even inwardly, critical of others’ successes.

We will attract into our life what we focus on – positively. If we worry about money, getting that job, or …, the vibration we are sending out holds static. To attract what we want into out lives we have to keep the pathways to the universal powers that can deliver it clear – clear of negativity, worry, directives, impatience, manipulation, and second guessing ourselves.

Chapter 10

 The Ascension of Gaia is a cosmic event of huge proportions!

 At levels beyond our awareness we chose to be here on earth at this time of the Shift and Gaia’s Ascension for our personal, collective, and this cosmic journey.

Although we do our part in embracing higher-dimensional attitudes, the impulses to do so come from the higher realms and are divinely inspired.

Ascension is a term used to denote Gaia lifting herself out of the dark and dense 3rd dimension she has inhabited for so long into the 5th dimension, or even higher, where the qualities of love rule.

We are collectively invited to ascend with Gaia on this Shift. However, the passport requirement is to embrace love and all its qualities, like compassion, understanding, acceptance, fairness, and generosity.

Chapter 11

Just as we have the power to become all that we can be, we also have the power to create a beautiful, clean, and safe world where everybody thrives.

It will take collective optimistic vibrations to bring the world we want into our sphere of possibilities and overrule the lack paradigm we embraced eons ago and which remains firmly entrenched in our unconscious minds.

Hope encourages us, holds our dreams together, and keeps our efforts moving forward. It is the harbinger that will keep the dream alive to create the world we so long for and the door open for the actions to go through to bring it about.


Where divisiveness treads love cannot flourish. Where there is no love – peace, joy, and happiness cannot survive. Getting this is what will change us and the world!

We all have to find the balance between working within the realities of our lives and our world while aiming to create new and better realities wherever possible.

Any ideal or belief based on I-am-right-and-you-are-wrong promotes ideas of separation; not unity; not unconditional love.

When our path is not clearly defined, going with the flow of where we are now, opens us pathways to the wisdom needed for the next step.

Every contact with another person is an opportunity to offer notions of unity and Oneness, or those of polarity and separation.

This Shift is encouraging the balancing of our male and female energies. This will make us feel energized, as the imbalance of these seemingly opposing forces encourages us to deny important, innate aspects of ourselves.

This Shift brings with it much light and love. This light is crucial as it cuts through and dispels the darkness within us; the love shines through the subsequent cracks and rekindles itself within us reminding us of the truth of who we are.

Rosemary McCarthy, compiled August 2017,

updated December 2017.

You may share the chapter tiles or these quotes, ensuring you include the © note below. When sharing through Facebook (link is below), the message automatically copies).

Copyright © 2017 by Rosemary McCarthy. All rights Reserved. You may share these quotes, provided they are distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the post and the book’s website www.yourjourneytopeace.com are included. You may contact me at rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com. Blessings, and thank you kindly.

The Purity of Our Soul/Life Purposes Are Often Corrupted: How Defeat, Frustration, Nastiness, and Aggression Can Sneak In  

You can read more about the book this article is based on by clicking on “Book Synopsis” above.


We all come to earth with a soul/life purpose and if we answer the call of our heart we can usually bring it to fruition. However, most of us are not 100% aligned with our True Self, as negative unconscious influences have often snuck into our psyches. Therefore, we often cannot manifest the fullness and/or purity of our soul’s purpose. We may even miss the call completely.

Souls manifest together in many types of relationships and for many purposes: to love and be a support for each other in life; to navigate the lessons each chose to learn in this lifetime; and/or to assist the other with his or her soul’s purposes.

Our life-partners, family members, and the many other people we have important or long-standing relationships with like close friends and work and business associations are in our lives for the purpose of helping us in some way in our life’s journey in this lifetime. So are those who come into our life for “a reason or a season.”

Our main purpose in life may be to give our spouse support with his or her life’s purpose, either emotionally or financially. It may to raise a loving family. It could also be to become successful in life so as to give our family a comfortable life.

In answering the call of our heart, we may bring goods and/or services to our community or the world, be an advocate of animal or personal rights or for personal health or planetary healing, or we may be instrumental in new scientific findings and technological advances.

We may feel guided to work in service to others through the medical, spiritual/religious, or political arenas. And it is our soul that calls us to bring our art, music, or writing to the world, uplifting or educating others.

Many people are able to successfully connect to their life purpose, others realize some success in doing so, while some never connect to it.

Those who do achieve what their inner-being calls them to do maintain the purity of their soul’s purpose if they conduct themselves with fairness, compassion, and integrity.

However, some people may be successful in attaining their goal, but fall prey to negative, unconscious influences and do not act with kindness, fairness, or integrity and lose the purity of their soul’s purpose. Their success may even totally unravel.

Those of us who have only a minimum or no success at all in connecting to our life’s purpose likely succumb to one or more of the many unconscious influences that can derail our efforts. (See below for a list of some common unconscious influences).

How Unconscious Influences Play Out and Affect Our Intended Purpose

When we fall prey to negative, unconscious influences our relationships become difficult, and if we have connected to our soul purpose it may become sullied. The underlying influences can cause us to be impatient, controlling, bullying, and/or aggressive in our attitudes, and greedy and self-serving in our endeavors. This causes confusion and conflict with others and chaos all around us. The push of our soul’s purpose may still be very strong, and any backlash to our attitudes will likely cause us to dig our heels in deeper creating further negative fallout, and our soul’s purpose becomes tainted.

If our purpose is to be a support for our partner’s life purpose we may fulfill that role, but if our unconscious influences cause us to be critical, controlling, demanding, etc., this will not only cause relationship conflicts, it can also deflate our partner’s ability to fully realize his or her potential. If we feel a strong push to become successful in life so we can give our family a comfortable lifestyle we can find the right partner and achieve success, but it can all unravel because we pigeonhole ourselves into the provider role and ignore the nuances of family life. We are often dumbfounded when these failures occur because we were following what our being was telling us, but we were unaware of unconscious influences that affected the way we were bringing it about that negatively affected the others involved.

When answering the call of our heart if we become involved in bringing goods to the market or are in the service sector, sometimes in an effort to be competitive we may be get caught up in unfair or corrupt practices or treat our co-workers or employees harshly, and our innate purpose to be of service to others will become contaminated.

If we feel a strong desire to become an advocate of animal or individual rights or are involved in personal health or planetary healing, as we aim to bring attention to our cause unconscious influences can cause our passion to become tainted with judgment causing us to respond harshly or even cruelly to those who disagree with us or will not follow our guidance. This will create criticism and bring conflict to both us and the cause, and may even reduce its efficacy.

When we are instrumental in bringing new medical break throughs, scientific findings, or technological advances to the world we may succumb to arrogance and/or holier-than-thou attitudes. Our desire to bring forth what is in us may be so strong that patience and humility are lost, as we can easily get caught up in the energy of the passion for our creation, or the importance of it, causing us to feel self-important, act superior, and to disregard common courtesy.

If we feel guided to work in service to others through community, religious, or political arenas, our unconscious influences may unduly impact the bringing of new ideas to or the shaking up of established norms. We may become self-righteous because of our newfound piousness or selfless efforts. In an effort to bring our ideas forward we may overstep boundaries, push too hard, or become overly critical. These attitudes will all create conflict and alienate people, which may diminish the power of our intended purpose as it may cause our passion to serve fade, or our hard work to backfire.

Even gentle people whose heart calls them to bring art, music, poetry, or stories to the world may not understand why they are so often in conflict with others or are continuously surrounded by mayhem. Their strong soul connection usually brings with it much passion and deep emotions, and their work often addresses issues just on the cusp of society’s awareness, opening them up to controversy. Artists whose self-worth had not been cultivated when younger or whose efforts were not supported may struggle with confidence in themselves and may not easily be able to handle any controversy. Some will turn inwards and struggle with depression or even addictions, while others will turn their frustrations outward and become needy, demanding, or look for validation by seeking attention and acting out.

There will always be differing opinions and some conflict and controversy in both our personal and professional lives. A strong connection to our soul’s purpose often brings with it great enthusiasm and passion, which unchecked can cause openings for conflicts to occur. However, it is how we deal with controversies that arise and our ability to avoid over-enthusiasm turning egotistical that will determine how successful we are in fully connecting to and keeping the spirit of our soul’s plan and life purpose alive.

Common Negative Unconscious Influences.

Negative Default Positions: being overly-reactive or overly-passive. These are learned coping mechanisms that attempt to protect us from perceived onslaughts to our emotional well-being.

Protective Mechanisms: defending ourselves or our positions no matter what; lashing out at what we perceive as criticisms. These are attempts to shield us from hurt or feeling disempowered.

Fear of Success: caused by low-self esteem or unhealthy views of success. These can cause us to undermine our efforts and successes.

Neediness: causes us to be emotionally demanding often overstepping healthy boundaries with others. This causes them to pull away either emotionally, or avoid us.

This article is based on and an expansion of sections “Our Life Purpose Unfolds” and “This Process Has Pitfalls” from chapter 4, Along the Way.

© Rosemary McCarthy, March, 2017

I have also posted 3 worksheets from the book that are based on this article, found at:  http://yourjourneytopeace.com/3-worksheets-forgiveness-making-small-shifts-judgment-of-self-others/.

You can access more articles on various subjects related to our personal, collective, and cosmic journeys through “View Archives” on the “Home Page.

You can share this article with others using the © message below. When sharing through Facebook (link is below), the message automatically copies.

Below is a little peak at other concepts in the book:

Improving our attitudes helps change the world, as every shift it attitude affects the vibration of the Planet as a whole. (Introduction)

What Is Held in Our Minds Is Reflected onto the World Stage … The Importance of Embracing Unity Consciousness: (Chapter 3, What We Can Do About It).

The highest purpose of our relationships is to work out our unconscious influences: our fears, neediness, vulnerabilities, misperceptions, and false notions about love. (Chapter 5, Relationships)

Overcoming current life lessons is our soul’s journey on a micro level. Overcoming all concepts of separateness and eventually completely aligning with the Oneness is our soul’s journey on a macro level. (Chapter 6, Words, Symbols, Rituals, Concepts, Prayers).

We can reconcile our apparent relationship with extra-terrestrials with our belief systems. (Chapter 7, Science).

Our need to reconcile what we put upon the Indigenous peoples is in direct relationship to our countrys’ successful advancements. (Chapter 9, The Planet and Abundance)

At levels beyond our awareness we chose to be here at this time of ‘The Shift’ to help bring about our and Gais’s Ascensions. (Chapter 10, Ascension).


Copyright © 2017 by Rosemary McCarthy. All rights Reserved. To copy, share, or distribute this article simply ensure the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website www.yourjourneytopeace.com are included. You may contact me at rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com. Blessings, and thank you kindly.

Relationships: The Cavern between “You and Others” Is in Direct Relationship to the Cavern between “You and You”

The hurts or conflicts that arise in our relationships are mostly due to unconscious influences that run our lives. I say mostly, because for some, conflicts within our relationships are due to a mismatch, or it has served its purpose and we are meant to take our cues and move on.

For others, conflicts arise because the relationship needs to shift and change to meet new circumstances, or one of the individuals is making life-altering changes that affects the relationship.

When we do not heed the signals and make the necessary adjustments, compromises, do a bit or self-reflection, or seek help for a relationship that is in throws of changes, the hurts and conflicts will continue and worsen and both parties suffer unnecessarily.

Sometimes a relationship even ends that could be saved and a family kept intact because of the inability of one or both or parties to face his or her part of its breakdown. Except for when the relationship has played out and is intended to end, we are meant to work through our hurts and conflicts with those in our lives.

One of the higher purposes of relationships, whether it be with a life-partner, a sibling, a parent-child or child-parent bond, an extended family member, a friend, or even a long-term working partnership, is for the unconscious influences of both parties to the surface – for healing.

And except for the rare occasion where one party feels empowered in life and is the “light-holder” and stabilizer to the other as they work through a huge misalignment from their power base and feel and act within the confines of disempowerment, both in the relationship are usually misaligned to the same degree. These misalignments would not necessarily show up in the same way, but the degree of misalignment would be similar.

Feeling empowered in life comes from being connected to our power base, which comes from a strong connection to our True Self – of “us-to-us.” (True Self is defined below, and I used the term as synonymous with Source energy, Spirit, higher Self, God, etc.).

This connection gives us our confidence allowing us to reach for what we want in life, while doing so with integrity. We are able to become our Best Self.

Law of Expansion - Universal Law 6 (of 6)

When this connection is strong, we don’t allow people to push their neediness onto us, take advantage of us, or emotionally manipulate us. Nor do we get unnecessarily involved in their dramas.

When we feel disempowered in life we are disconnected from our power base and our connection to our True Self – of “us-to-us” is weak.

This lack of connection breeds low self-confidence and we have trouble reaching for or achieving what we want in life and what makes us happy.

Having a low confidence level, we may be indecisive, lack the courage to take risks and make things happen, and we may even undermine our efforts by making bad choices or backing away from opportunities.

We often feel at the beck and call of others and circumstances. This all frustrates us, makes us lash out at those around us, which further distances us from our True Self.

As we take things personally, we often feel hurt by others’ words, actions, or inactions. We then either blame them for our unhappiness creating conflict in the relationship, or we internalize the feelings creating more inner-turmoil.

We all navigate life differently, and differences are a natural and healthy part of normal relationships. Hurts and conflicts arise because we can’t accept the other’s different ways of going about life  and/or respect their differing opinions.

The expectations we bring into our relationship also have a major impact on whether our relationship with be harmonious or filled with chaos.

When our connection to our True Self is strong we can easily deal with the different way the other approaches life and our expectations from the relationship are reasonable and above-board.

However, when our connection to our True Self is weak and the other’s personality or way of dealing with life is different than ours we often internalize this as an affront, and conflicts ensue.

Attempting to make up for the weak connection to our True Self we also bring unconscious expectations into our relationships assuming the other will fill that void. When they don’t, we feel hurt, disappointed, and become disillusioned with the relationship.

These negative and unrealistic ways of dealing with others (and situations) come from unconscious influences we created at some point in our lives that play out in our attitudes and behaviors.

These unconscious influences affect our connection to our True Self. Our attitudes and behaviors develop in response to how we experienced or perceived life from within our familial and cultural backgrounds – with our internalizing of these experiences highly influenced by our innate personalities.

This is why people brought up in the same household can be so different in their outlook and approach to life. If the influences we internalized instilled confidence, hope, positivity, autonomy, and lightness into our being, our connection to our True Self would remain strong.

However, if we unknowingly allowed these influences to cause us to become negative, pessimistic, or needy, to have low-self esteem or feel that life is heavy and a struggle, our connection to our True Self becomes weakened.

When we internalized our past influences as generally positive, we are able to navigate life without much difficulty or conflict. We can attain what we want in life because we feel empowered, as the connection to our power-base has remained strong.

When our past influences cause us to view and respond to life negatively, we may act in counterproductive ways that undermine our efforts and that create conflict with others. This makes our life seem difficult and what we want in life hard to achieve because we feel disempowered: our connection is weak.

This disconnect creates a cavern between “us and us” as our power-base lies in our connection to our True Self.  It is where we find the strength and integrity to become our Best Self, and the fortitude to keep it.

Below are some of the developed attitudes and behaviors that keep us disconnected from our power-base and True Self making life seem difficult and keeping us in conflict with others:


We often bring our emotional neediness into our relationships, but are unaware that we are expecting our partner, child, parent, or friend to answer those needs. When they do not, we are hurt, become upset, and conflict often ensues.

Our need may be personal: to feel loved, appreciated, validated, or served hand and foot. They may be more general: to become wealthy, powerful, famous, achieve a great success, or have a big happy family.

It is not that these desires always bring negative results to our life or relationships, as having goals and desires can be a good thing, but when they come from an unconscious need to fill a void or fulfill and unmet past need, they hold an insatiable element.

We become self-centered as this need is most often at the forefront of our thoughts and actions and it takes precedence over any consideration for the desires or needs of those around us.

We also become defensive of our efforts to fulfill our perceived need, and blind to another’s attempts to compromise or work with us toward a favorable outcome for both. We are difficult to deal with and conflict in the relationship is inevitable.


We all have a Default Position: it can be Neutral, Reactionary, or Passive. (Definition of Default Position below)

Neutral Responses:

Neutral responses come from feeling empowered. When we respond to others or situations neutrally, we respond to the matter at hand, do so calmly, and without a need to defend our positions.

We do not react emotionally because we do not bring in issues from the past, nor thoughts or fears of the future – which all hold an emotional component.

We can still disagree and say what needs to be said and do what needs to be done, but we do so respectfully, and with honesty and integrity. We come from a place of confidence and empowerment – of gentle strength, not weakness and aggressiveness.

Our connection to our power-base and True Self is strong so we are emotionally balanced, therefore we don’t feel the need to address how others act, or respond to what they say or do aggressively, because we don’t take things personally. And we are strong in our own convictions, so we don’t have the need to defend our positions.

Reactionary Responses:

When we react to others or situations aggressively, are defensive, or throw blame around, we are projecting our hurts, disappointments, or expectations upon the other or the situation.

We feel that what they said or did was an affront to us. We might perceive someone voicing an opinion as them criticizing us, when they are simply conveying how they feel about something.

When someone cuts us off in traffic we may feel they are doing it to us, whereas the other person is simply attempting to get to where they need to go, albeit in an inappropriate way.

Others’ attitudes or actions are no reflection on us, and allowing them to disturb us or cause us to react strongly is counterproductive to our peace of mind.

When a loved one is late or misses a date we had made together and we are hurt and feel they do not love or appreciate us we are taking it personally – when it likely had nothing to do with us. They may have simply been extra busy at work, been unavoidably delayed, or had a lot on their mind and forgot.

Passive Responses:

Passive responses come from feeling disempowered. Although passive responses may appear to be neutral, as there are no blatant outward signs, they are very different because passive responses hold an emotional component – just like aggressive ones.

Sometimes the hurts, feelings, disappointments, or perceived injustices are not voiced at all, while at other times they are, but are tinged with so much emotion and/or neediness that the other individual turns a blind ear.

In both cases, we are not heard. Either way, the emotions are internalized affecting both the individual and the relationship. These internalizations harm us because buried emotions add another layer to the cavern between “us and us,” and our connection to our True Self is further weakened.

Passive responses harm the relationship because as our true feelings are not voiced (or heard) we have not addressed the hurt or disappointment we feel, and we remain inwardly angry towards the other for not understanding or taking into consideration our feelings, or seeing our viewpoint.

And if we are do try to make our self heard but are ineffective, before we approach the subject again, reflecting on our approach last time and possibly adjusting it could help getting heard this time.

We can ask ourselves:

  • Are we being needy – only thinking about our needs and perspective?
  • Are we negative – only focusing on what is wrong?
  • Are we overly emotional – crying at any perceived slight or criticism?

Could we be acting passive aggressively – signing or putting on a sad face rather than sharing our thoughts or feelings?

Whether we elect these attitudes because we don’t like to speak our mind, are unable to articulate or feel embarrassed by what we feel, or are simply trying to keep the peace against an aggressive person, passive attitudes do not bring long term solutions.

Not only is the issue not addressed or resolved, but the approach may even backfire, as buried feelings come out – one way or another – and may one day cause a major blow-up from where there is not turning back.

Passive responses create and increase the cavern between “us-and-another,” because until we address and resolve the issue with them that caused the feelings we buried, each future interaction is tainted. Hurts remain at the forefront of our emotions and any new or positive communication has to work hard to get through them.

We can certainly live happy and fulfilling lives without being completely in touch with our True Self, are enlightened, or fully aligned to Source. In fact, most of us do.

Very few of us are completely connected, so most of us are somewhat misaligned, and these show up in many ways and in many degrees. This is why some hurt and conflict exists in most relationships.

Nonetheless, if we navigate the conflicts that arise with compromise and compassion, keep our disparaging emotions at bay, forgive how the other’s misalignments show up, and accept their idiosyncrasies, we can easily live a harmonious life.

It helps to be aware of our unconscious influences, or at least make peace with how our misalignments show up, otherwise there will always be the cavern between “us-and-us” as we are not living close enough to our core – we are living superficially, with no connection to the truth of who we are.

This causes us to relate superficially to others. A cavern will always exist between “us-and-others” until we close that gap between “us-and-us.”


True Self: The truth or memory of who you really are—free of any unconscious influences. (chapter 1)

Best Self: We are our Best Self when we are aligned with our True Self. This manifests as happiness, acceptance of life and our circumstances, and connection to that part of our self that feels empowered, confident, assured, loving, giving, and emotionally healthy. (chapter 1)

Our Default Position: The reactionary, nonreactionary, or responsive way of dealing with others or situations. We respond with either aggression, passivity, or neutrality. (chapter 1).

This  article/blog post is based on my book, Your Journey to Peace … Book Synopsis is found here.

– © Rosemary McCarthy, March, 2017, updated January 2018

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Below is a peek into more in the book:

 Improving our attitudes helps change the world, as every shift in attitude affects the vibration of the Planet as a whole. (Introduction).What Is Held in Our Minds Is Reflected onto the World Stage. (Chapter 1, Why We Are the Way We Are)

Our capacity to love others is in direct relationship to how much we love ourselves. (Chapter 3, What We Can Do About It).

Our Relationships Are Pre-set Soul Contracts: The highest purpose of our relationships is to work out our unconscious influences: our fears, neediness, vulnerabilities, misperceptions, and false notions about love. They are set up to bring these misalignments from our True Self to the surface – for healing. This is why we find our close relationships so difficult.  (Chapter 5, Relationships)

We are not exercising true free will if we live under the tutelage of unconscious influences. (Chapter 6, Words, Symbols, Rituals, Concepts, Prayers).

We can reconcile our apparent relationship with extra-terrestrials with our belief systems. (Chapter 7, Science).

Our planet is a living, breathing organism … and just like us she has to cleanse herself of toxins – the physical and emotional toxins we have put upon her. (Chapter 9, The Planet and Abundance).

At levels beyond our awareness we chose to be here at this time of ‘The Shift’ to help bring about our and Gais’s Ascensions. (Chapter 10, Ascension).


Copyright © 2017 by Rosemary McCarthy. All rights Reserved. To copy, share, or distribute this article simply ensure the content is copied in its entirety, is unaltered, and is distributed freely and for no monetary or personal gain, and that this copyright notice and the link for the article and the website www.yourjourneytopeace.com are included. You can contact me at: rosemary@yourjourneytopeace.com. Blessings, and thank you kindly.